Tag Archives: humour

Dogs Don’t Care

You own the house, the tenant owns the dog. You have to travel and stay away for quite some time for a reason.

Finally, you decide to go back home and on reaching your house you discover you can’t enter your own house. Your tenants furious dog is right in front of the house about to make your life a living hell and refuse you access to your house. It begins to growl and bark.

Your tenant is not around to make the dog behave. You have to hasten outside the gate and have to stick outside the gate to wait for your tenant to come back.

Your tenant comes back and takes the dog away. You look at it, it growls at you showing its wicked eyes and teeth.

The next day you step into your compound, about to go out, and the dog on seeing you, makes at you. Your tenant has gone out again leaving you and the dog. The tenant forgets to put his dog in the cage.

With desperate effort to prevent a fatal attack on you, you drop your briefcase and run.

The dog grabs your briefcase and keeps watch over it. Your phone is in it. No means to call your tenant to come to retrieve your briefcase.

You’re angry and have plans to disallow the dog in your compound. The dog looks at you again and growls and barks. It lunches an attack, you run to the gate, the only option you have. On reaching it, you discover it has been locked, your tenant has locked it from the outside forgetting you’re still in the house.

The dog rushes closer, nothing to do but climb the wall and that’s what you have to do.

A passer-by sees you jumping the fence, alerts other passers-by and they chase you to catch you. You know that thieves stand a good chance of being stoned to death in the area.

You run and run until you meet one of your neighbours who stands to explain who you are. But you are no where to be found.

When you later come back you have to send your tenant and dog packing.

~~~

Staying away for too long can make you a stranger in your own home.

Chase your dream but always know the road that will lead you home again.

Amusing Light

It’s good to have good sense of humour and I’m appreciative of the fact that we have lots of people around us who have this sense. And you know, to be able to laugh out loud and loosen up the nerves, we need the humour sense as well. To be too serious-minded is to distort the nerves and complicate the human sense.

Without sense of humour, life will be too difficult to withstand.

In my country, the situation of things is a bit entangled partly because of the aftermath of covid-19… Funny enough, people are casting amusing light on everything. That’s a survival mechanism. Humour helps us pass through a difficult stage of life.

That’s why it’s a good thing to have friends who are not too serious-minded and who will always find a way to make you throw your hands and legs in the air and slide off your seat and roll on the floor and shed good tears. Hope you get it.


Fiez

Birthday quotes

Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room, so you don’t have to chase it.
– Greg Tamblyn

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
— Lucille Ball

The Dog Dream

She searched with her left hand to find he’d disappeared from his side of the bed. She got up, staggered to the study to find him glued to the desktop.

She stole a glance at the monitor and her keen eyes caught what he was searching for.

Dream meaning of a dog barking at its owner

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she said moving closer. “You woke up by 2 am to search for that?”

“I had a terrible dream, honey.”

“Well, dreams mean nothing and shouldn’t be a bother,”

“Not this kind honey.” He turned to face her.

“I was walking a dog, my own dog when suddenly she turned towards me and barked in a very fiery manner at me. Her poise was dangerous. Her eyes sparked the fire and its deadly canines ready to strike, then I woke up terrified” He narrated.

“Now that’s horrifying,” she said. “What did you do to save yourself?”

“Nothing. Didn’t try running away either. Could have been dangerous assuming it happened really”

“Did anyone call the cops for you?”

“I didn’t steal the dog!!”

“Then you suddenly changed to someone strange and scared the hell out of the poor dog.” She said as she started towards the bedroom. “Come back to sleep dreamer.”

“I wish you got to hear who I think the dog was.” he murmured when she was out of earshot.

~~~~

One Man’s Meat…

“Three large portions of different fattening dishes at a sitting?”

“This is the way to go bro!”

“It’s called gluttony.”

“I call it healthy overeating.”

“You’re overweight”

“That’s exactly my target.”

“Have you ever thought about what overeating can do to your health?”

“That’s bullshit”

“You will blow up like a large balloon if you continue to eat that way.”

“I won’t but if it happens, I will be the happiest person on earth.”

” Absurd! Do you know what some people go through to get rid of just a pound?”

“I dont care.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“You’re talking because you haven’t heard the story of my life.”

“What story?”

“When I was a teenager, I was pitiably skinny.”

“Hmmm”

“At school, they nicknamed me ‘bones’.”

“Huh?”

“Bones. Instead of Gladis, they called me bones.”

“That’s awful!”

“You can imagine the trauma I passed through knowing that name suited my appearance.”

“Students! Students!”

“I always asked my mum why I was that skinny.”

“She said it’s nature.”

“I asked nature many questions in private but got mocking silence. My mum said I was normal, said there was nothing wrong with me and that clinically I was just fine. She said I would grow fat in the future. I resorted to eating heavy meals several times a day until mum began to lock the kitchen against me. She said I could die of overeating. Yet I never added extra flesh to my ‘bones’.”

“Unbelievable.”

“My cheeks got a little bigger though.”

“Terrible”

“and my nickname changed.”

“To what?”

“Cheeks and bones!”

“That’s worse.”

“I felt so bad and skipped school.”

“Dear Lord!”

“No one in my lineage was like me, both paternal and maternal side. That got me thinking. Was I adopted? My prayer point was, ‘Oh Lord, make me fat’ and I whispered that prayer countless times a day.”

“Frankly, you had a traumatic childhood.”

“You can say that again.”

“So how did you become this fat?”

“Good question! I met this guy at a mall. We were an absolute description of what opposites should be. He walked to me and asked if I would like to add some flesh.”

“That’s insulting.”

” My only good friend at the time reacted to the question but had to relax when she saw I wasn’t offended. I asked the guy if he could help me. He said yes and we became good friends.

“How could anyone help?”

“Nothing is impossible. Listen first.”

“We scheduled for a meeting and when we met he gave me my routine and eating habits.”

“How old were you then?”

Twenty-three.”

“Hmmmm”

“The routine was for muscle building and strength training then Protein, protein and more protein, dense food, soda, doughnuts, weight gainer shakes, chocolates, bodybuilding supplement, eat big and often.”

“He could kill.”

“He was a professional, working with a work-out and bodybuilding centre.”

“The programme worked for you?”

“Yes, after eight months of the extensive program and lots of patience.

“I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks.”

“You got an answer to your prayer.”

“Now everyone calls me beautiful.”

“What is your BMI?”

“26”

“You’re heading to obesity”

“Cool”

“Cool?”

“I love fat me so much and I don’t want anything to stand between me and my love and happiness.”

“Hey, now that you have gained some weight, work to see that you maintained a healthy weight.

” I dont always eat this much. But I do eat like this three times a week to maintain my weight.”

“Do you still go for training?.”

“Three times a week.”

“This must be hard on you.”

“Not really, I do it happily because it works for me.”

“You must be spending a fortune on food.”

“It’s a necessity. No regrets.”

“I can’t believe I’m exposing myself to a total stranger. What’s your name?”

“Call me James.”

“Married?”

“No”

“Why not? You should be over 40”

“That’s a story for another day.”

“Life’s full of weird stories.”

“Yeah.”

“I love this food! I love this restaurant!!”

“😲”

©Florence Ezekafor


However you are, whatever you are, be glad because, someone, somewhere sees you and longs to be like you.